Walk the Plank, Sherilyn - A letter to the Editor
June 1, 2018
Oh, for shame, Sherilyn, what have you done?
I had to reach out about my WTF moment after reading Ticket, Torrent, Stream It: A preview of this Summer’s Movies in the Style of Fuck, Marry, Kill. In Sherilyn Connelly’s summer burn book of upcoming film releases, she recommends that moviegoers marry, fuck or kill each upcoming release (respective translation: buy a movie ticket, wait for Netflix, or illegally download the films that aren’t worth paying for).
The whole playground shtick didn’t really go over for me, but I’ll play along. Here’s my spin on marry, fuck, kill: digital piracy has royally fucked the entertainment industry, married studios to low-risk mediocrity, and is killing creativity.
So, why is a film lover directing readers to torrent sites?
In fairness, Connelly kicked off with a disclaimer about how downloading free movies is wrong.
But then she winks. And here’s my bone: readers wink back.
She tells everyone what they want to hear: it’s okay to steal movies (that suck).
Why would you steal something you don’t even want? That’s the short definition of kleptomania. “I wasn’t going to pay to see it anyway” turns into “If it’s online, it’s mine.”
The majority of peer-to-peer downloaders don’t think that piracy is that big of a deal, but the truth is, every download counts. Illegal downloads cost the film industry about $160 billion in 2013 (think about how many jobs or great productions that could buy). For more heart-breaking stats about digital piracy, check out the study by Frontier Economics. Or I could just give you the Cliffs Notes: The people who suffer most from the deadweight loss of copyright infringement are the same people who dedicate their lives to creating entertainment while they bust to make rent.
It’s tough to sympathize with overpaid household celebrity names or nine-digit blockbuster revenues, so instead, put yourself in the shoes of the heavy lifters—the guys who are just getting by—who work on the films you actually like. The crew is up all night on set, totally overworked. Production assistants are treated like total shit. A good script takes years to write. Costumes, set designs, special effects – the minutia of the escapism that you just ran a search for? These are commodities, not freebies.
People are losing their livelihoods in our state. Copyright advocate and entertainment coalition CreativeFuture will tell you that 84% of the entertainment industry is comprised of companies made up of no more than 10 people. And small companies can’t sustain an industry that is losing billions every year.
Here’s what happens when you don’t look out for the little guy:
Creative Paralysis
The studios are phoning it in. Creativity is a bad business decision right now, and production companies can’t take risks like they used to. That’s why prequels, sequels, remakes and other recycled narratives are finding funding.
Consider the rinse-and-repeat titles on Connelly’s kill list: The Last Night, Spiderman: Homecoming, The Nutjob 2, Cars 3, Despicable Me 3. Add the film adaptation of Captain Underpants and The Emoji Movie to complete a PG summer lineup because you know those young audiences are already on board. Add Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (Fifth Element with lipstick) and The Mummy (Hail Mary). They’re all hand-me-downs.
The codependency between filmmakers and built-in audiences is the only thing keeping the lights on in Hollywood, and it’s because—when given the choice to fuck, marry or kill—a mind-boggling millions of people find nothing wrong with the latter.
It’s a sick circle when a respected film writer and indie fangirl encourages her readers to kill the lights.
Married to the Mob
This should creep you out: In exchange for 103 minutes of free time, some perv in Eastern Europe buys access your webcam and is now watching your kids watch Cars 3. Torrent sites are open season for malware (the kind that can access your identifiable information and ruin your life) to infect your devices. It’s organized, and it’s crime, and it’s the stuff of nightmares.
Drawing Lines
It’s a showdown of cowboys and copyrights; enforcement is weak and the rules aren’t very clear. Congress has been fidgeting with legislation like the Stop Online Piracy Act, but they’re chasing a digital ghost in the Wild West. Authorities are running in place as they manage to takedown one torrent site, only to have two pop up in its place.
Box offices won’t see an upswing any time soon unless moviegoers equate torrenting with taboo. Like stiffing a waitress or looting after an earthquake; it’s for assholes. We all know right from wrong. That’s why Connelly’s list hits a nerve with me. A professional film reviewer for a progressive publication instructing audiences to steal creative work?
I know it was supposed to be a joke, Sherilyn. Maybe next time, if a movie is bad, don’t recommend it at all. If it's worth seeing, it’s worth paying for.
Don’t bite the hand.